Day 5 of Sober October...
I got called a bitch today. Not in the "Oooo bitch! Those shoes are fierce!" way. In the bad way. It kinda hurt my feelings because I really wasn't being bitchy, which by the way goes not further than this blog. I have a reputation to uphold. But really, I guess I kinda do. I guess I am a bitch. But that's not necessarily a bad thing...
I recently came across a website called Heartless Bitches International http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ . The site was started as a joke by software developer "Natalie P", satirizing the stereo-type that assertive, successful and strong women are "bitches". Heartless Bitches International claims it does not celebrate being insensitive, manipulative, selfish, cruel, or man-hating; it celebrates the positive qualities in people, like assertiveness, self-reliance, and an unwillingness to be a martyr, which lead to them being stereotyped as a "heartless bitch".
"Yes, I'm pissed off and most people irritate me. But if people weren't so ignorant, self-absorbed, and down right stupid, I wouldn't be so Bitchy all the time."
I very rarely get called a bitch by other women. It's mostly men and it's mostly in reaction to a situation in which I have either stood up for myself or my ideas, out-witted them in the proverbial boardroom or rebuffed their pathetic and unprovoked advances. No sir, I am not interested in having your sleezy arm draped over me as I wait to order a drink. Nor does the fact that you have "Grey Goose and Blow" back at your condo entice me to leave with you. And guess what? I'm probably smarter than you too. Oh snap! If I'm a bitch, it's because I don't need you to validate my existence and that scares the shit out of you.
When I do get called a bitch by women it is often to due to the fact that I do not suffer fools gladly. Like the Murray women before me and one Murray woman-in-training, we have what some would call a high dosage of sass. I speak my mind and no one would ever accuse me of being a sycophant. I tell it like it is. So if you are acting like an idiot, I will tell you so. Most women don't appreciate the truth and therefore label us candid gals, bitches. Always behind our back tho. Never to our faces.
I always found this culture of "bitchiness" fascinating. I encountered it for the first time, as many of us do in high school. While standing with a group of girls, one particularly nasty one was commenting on how she hoped that so-and-so wasn't coming to the cottage that weekend bc she was such a slut and she didn't want her around her boyfriend blah, blah, blah. I felt that familiar pang of anxiety when I noticed that so-and-so was walking towards the group. Well that nasty one put the sweetest and biggest smile on her face and complimented the so-and-so's hair, telling her she hoped to see her at the cottage that weekend. WTF? I thought she was a slut and you didn't want her there? I was flabbergasted. I had never operated that way. If I didn't like someone, I didn't invite them. I also did not show up where I wasn't wanted. Why bother?
And so that brings me back to the real bitch who called me a bitch this morning. She was being mean. I was being honest and I wasn't about to let her bully me into getting her way. Which by the way would have put me in deep shit with my boss. I will leave you with a quote from one of my all-time favourite bitches, Kelly Cutrone. Fashion Publicist, Authour, Mother and Heartless Bitch extraordinaire:
"Being a Bitch isn't about stepping on other people, or reality TV-style sabotage antics. It's about working hard for what you want and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve. It is not about demoralizing others; it's about self-empowerment. It's not about being arrogant; it's about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride. It's not in asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement; but recognizing your own self-worth and value".
If you don't like me bc I'm a Bitch, I don't want to be your friend anyway. I'm actually a very nice person. I'm just a "Bad Mother-Fucker, who don't take no shit off of nobody" ;)