She's Crafty!

I have always been a crafter.  I come from a long line of crafters.  I have recently discovered the world of paper crafts, particularly card making & stamping.  I created these two cards to enter in a contest:

The stamp is called Magical Mathilda and I coloured her with copic markers and cut her out and then added some more stamps and paper and ribbon.  I will mail this one to my mom for Halloween since she went nuts over the one my friend Aaemie made. 

This stamp is called Moaning Moira and again, I coloured her with Copic markers and then added some more stamps and paper to the card.  

I LOVE making cards now!  I ordered 26 Copic markers, a bunch of paper, ink and some more stamps that I will be receiving on Saturday.  I can't wait!  I will begin work on my Christmas cards this weekend.  I will endeavour to send everyone one my card list a card that I have made :)

Warning: There's a whoooole lotta NEGATIVITY up in this piece >:/

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.  He said okay, you're ugly too." ~Rodney Dangerfield

I'm having one of those days.  Those UGLY days.  I feel like shit and I look like shit.  I hate my hair - it's so straight and fine and I can't do the sock bun that I have been coveting for months and finally learned how to do.  I hate my skin - I am 30 years old and I have fucking acne.  Are you kidding me?  I see a dermatologist, use all this fancy shit, ALWAYS wash my face before bed and am greeted at least twice a week by a big fat ugly zit - on my chin.  I am also fat.  Fatter than I have ever been in my life.  I had to buy a size 6 skirt.  I know, that's a normal size for most people but I am small: 5'3" and tiny bones.  My resting size is a 2.  My working out size is a 0.  And that skirt is pretty dang tight, let me tell you.  I'm also over-whelmed with work, behind on housekeeping and bill filing, and all together just BLAH.

I do believe that I am having myself a BAD DAY. And you know what?  I don't give a ding dang what anyone thinks of all my negativity. Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I just say a bad word?

I know, all you people out there who just LOVE life and are so uber-positive it makes me sick will say some crazy shit like "You are beautiful and capable. Accept who you are and that things change, blah, blah, blah".  That's bullshit.  Then there are the other folks, those devil's advocates if you will (like my mom), who will throw things out there like, "If you don't like that you're fat, do something about it.  Nothing will change if you sit there and complain" or "Well, you chose to own your own business AND work full-time. You had to know it wouldn't be easy".  Umm...DUH!  I know that.  I have the best intentions when it comes to working out and getting healthy.  Drinking more water and organizing my life. Snuggling kitties and dancing under rainbows while singing Zipadee-Doo-Dah.   Because, God forbid, there be any negativity ones head-space.

When did it become a crime to feel blue?  To voice one's opinion about something that they just don't feel so great about? To have a bad day?  Don't get me wrong, I have un-friended folks (mostly acquaintances) on facebook whose status updates are nothing but doom, gloom and drama day after day after day ad nauseum .  It gets draining even on a subconscious level.  But come on! Let me have my day to mourn my 21 year-old self!  My clear skinned, cute haired, 105lb self who's biggest problem was how I was going to study for a mid-term AND go out to pub night.  I don't feel like a bag of shit every day but I don't disallow myself the pleasure of wallowing in self-pity from time to time.

You folks with your "I Love My Life!" statuses and perma-smiles make me weary.  Who are you trying to convince that everything is so hunky-dorey every ding dang day of your life? Me? Or You..? Feeling shitty about yourself or your job or your boyfriend or whatever else it is that you care about in your life is NORMAL.  It's when you feel that way every single day that you should probably talk to someone.  A professional or otherwise.  A once-in-a-blue-moon moanfest is perfectly all right in my books.

And today is my day.  Tomorrow I will wake up early, take my pups for a long walk, eat a healthy breakfast, wear a new outfit, have a super-productive day at work and be back to feeling like my normal (although somewhat cynical and jaded) self.  And guess what?  All will still be right with the world :)

That's me on the beach in Cuba. 24 years old and not a care in the world.  That's not even a school book that I'm reading.  I think it's A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.  You can't tell but my stomach is flat and toned and there ain't a hint of cellulite on those thighs or butt.

Pay no attention to me, I'll be just fine

Gah!  What a month to choose to not drink!  This Sober October business is proving to be harder than I thought.  Which is a tad worrisome...

There are TWO awesome events happening tonight that I want to check out but I fear that my tolerance for debauchery may be dampened by my being dry and all :( However, if you're like all the other cool kids you will be here:

Peepshow & Lipstick Video Premier AND All-Girl Art Show tonight at the Baitshop 

What's better than a bunch of hot skateboarding guys?  A bunch of hot skateboarding guys and a bunch of hot snowboarding girls!  I'm thinking of popping by after a long day at my J.O.B. Check out the deets here: https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=236280476421494  followed by...

ROCKTOBERFEST @ Tattoo.  Chicks free before midnight?  I can get down with that!

What a night!  AND I don't even have to wake up early for anything tomorrow.  A perfect night wasted on a sober challenge.  *sigh*  I must learn to have fun and be a nice, social person without the aid of liquor. I suppose that not indulging will leave some hard earned pennies in my pocket for once as well :)  

Whatever your plan this evening, enjoy the b-e-a-utiful weather kiddies!  If you see me at the Baitshop or Tattoo, don't be afraid to come and say hello.  I don't bite.  Unless you ask me to :) (wakka, wakka) 

This is what I look like BTW:) 

Think Different

Steve Jobs, Founder Apple Computers

February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

The world has lost one of it's greatest human beings and a small part of the visionary in each of us has lost it's guide.  Apple had this posted on their website today: 

I am not a MAC.  I have an ipod that I use sporadically at the gym or when walking the dogs.  I have limited experience on a MAC computer or MACbook and have never owned an iphone.  However, Steve Jobs and I have something in common.  I have always been a fan of CanLit and one of my favourite authors is Jack Kerouac.  I actually went to school and was quite friendly with his grandson, Jeremy. One of my favourite Kerouac quotes was used in the Think Different Apple commercial, narrated by Steve Jobs (or Richard Dreyfuss?).  It is a part of my hotmail signature and has been as long as I have had a hotmail account.  One can't not be moved.  I can't not be inspired.  I hope that Steve's spirit lives on in all of us.  I know I will do my darnedest to keep it alive in me.

"Here's to the crazy ones.  The misfits.  The rebels.  The trouble-makers.  The round pegs in the square holes.  The ones who see things differently.  They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo.  You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.  But the only thing you can't do is ignore them.  Because they change things.  They push the human race forward.  And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.  Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."  ~Jack Kerouac

Could I sacrifice typing fast for this...

If you know me, you know I love Hello Kitty.  A lot.  I really want Hello Kitty nails but don't know how it would look on my shorties.  And I've tried the whole acrylic nail thing and it isn't for me.  I can type about 70 wpm on my blackberry.  I don't want to jeopardize that.  

Maybe I can just do it on my whole nail.  I'll keep you posted :)

And that's what's up!

I hope I'm as awesome as Betty White when I'm 90 years old.  And as awesome as my Gram.  She's coming to dinner tonight.  It will be the first time that I cook a roast and the first time that she sees our new home.  I'm excited.  I love my Gram :)

"Oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact" ~Elton John-The Bitch Is Back

Day 5 of Sober October...

I got called a bitch today.  Not in the "Oooo bitch! Those shoes are fierce!" way.  In the bad way.  It kinda hurt my feelings because I really wasn't being bitchy, which by the way goes not further than this blog.  I have a reputation to uphold.  But really, I guess I kinda do.  I guess I am a bitch.  But that's not necessarily a bad thing...

I recently came across a website called Heartless Bitches International http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ .  The site was started as a joke by software developer "Natalie P", satirizing the stereo-type that assertive, successful and strong women are "bitches".  Heartless Bitches International claims it does not celebrate being insensitive, manipulative, selfish, cruel, or man-hating; it celebrates the positive qualities in people, like assertiveness, self-reliance, and an unwillingness to be a martyr, which lead to them being stereotyped as a "heartless bitch".   

"Yes, I'm pissed off and most people irritate me. But if people weren't so ignorant, self-absorbed, and down right stupid, I wouldn't be so Bitchy all the time." 

I very rarely get called a bitch by other women.  It's mostly men and it's mostly in reaction to a situation in which I have either stood up for myself or my ideas, out-witted them in the proverbial boardroom or rebuffed their pathetic and unprovoked advances.   No sir, I am not interested in having your sleezy arm draped over me as I wait to order a drink.  Nor does the fact that you have "Grey Goose and Blow" back at your condo entice me to leave with you.  And guess what? I'm probably smarter than you too. Oh snap!  If I'm a bitch, it's because I don't need you to validate my existence and that scares the shit out of you. 

When I do get called a bitch by women it is often to due to the fact that I do not suffer fools gladly.  Like the Murray women before me and one Murray woman-in-training, we have what some would call a high dosage of sass.  I speak my mind and no one would ever accuse me of being a sycophant.  I tell it like it is.  So if you are acting like an idiot, I will tell you so.  Most women don't appreciate the truth and therefore label us candid gals, bitches.  Always behind our back tho.  Never to our faces.  

I always found this culture of "bitchiness" fascinating.  I encountered it for the first time, as many of us do in high school.  While standing with a group of girls, one particularly nasty one was commenting on how she hoped that so-and-so wasn't coming to the cottage that weekend bc she was such a slut and she didn't want her around her boyfriend blah, blah, blah.  I felt that familiar pang of anxiety when I noticed that so-and-so was walking towards the group.  Well that nasty one put the sweetest and biggest smile on her face and complimented the so-and-so's hair, telling her she hoped to see her at the cottage that weekend. WTF?  I thought she was a slut and you didn't want her there?  I was flabbergasted.  I had never operated that way.  If I didn't like someone, I didn't invite them.  I also did not show up where I wasn't wanted.  Why bother? 

And so that brings me back to the real bitch who called me a bitch this morning.  She was being mean.  I was being honest and I wasn't about to let her bully me into getting her way.  Which by the way would have put me in deep shit with my boss.  I will leave you with a quote from one of my all-time favourite bitches, Kelly Cutrone.  Fashion Publicist, Authour, Mother and Heartless Bitch extraordinaire: 

"Being a Bitch isn't about stepping on other people, or reality TV-style sabotage antics. It's about working hard for what you want and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve.  It is not about demoralizing others; it's about self-empowerment.   It's not about being arrogant; it's about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride.  It's not in asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement; but recognizing your own self-worth and value".

If you don't like me bc I'm a Bitch, I don't want to be your friend anyway.  I'm actually a very nice person.  I'm just a "Bad Mother-Fucker, who don't take no shit off of nobody" ;)

Talkin' shit ain't the same as talkin' truth. Mmm Hmm...

From the Urban Dictionary:

1.	shit talking	51 up, 6 down
	Shit talking occurs when people have too much free time (see: not having a life) and make up rumors or put down others, whether they are enemies, friends, or just random people. Those shit talking scumbags just wasted a whole five minutes of my life complaining about someone who I could really give a shit less about.

I haven't spoken to my best friend since my birthday.  That was April 7.  Almost 6 months ago.  But to be honest, our friendship has been teetering on the edge of demise for almost 4 years.  I would be remiss not to mention that the beginning of the end started with her dating her husband.  Not because he is a horrible person or that he convinced her not to like me anymore but that that is when I saw the change in her.  It is not my place to comment on their relationship and certainly would never do so in as public a forum as a blog. The end of our friendship also has a lot to do with one severely damaged and toxic individual who may be the most opportunistic, self-centered, and sociopathic people I know.  It probably hurts the most that this Evil C-word would be able to influence my friend so easily.  Of course, it does have to do with me "talking shit" about my friend to the Evil C.  I communicated concerns I had about my friend's relationship with her husband and step-child as well as with her emotional well-being that was grossly exaggerated and manipulated to suit the Evil C's master plan.  I now know that I shouldn't have shared this with anyone.  I should have kept the information that my friend shared with me private.  That was my mistake.  I just had to get it off my chest because frankly, you can't say anything to my friend about anything she does.  That's how it's always been.  She can dish it out, but can't take it.

Let's face it, as women, we gossip.  Some more than others.  And our friends do things that we don't agree with or approve of and sometimes we use other friends as sounding boards for our discontent.  It doesn't mean that we dislike each other or that we want to "spread lies" or "talk shit".  There's a certain code that women have - you keep your mouth shut about what someone told you about someone else.  When you see Sally, you don't tell her that Suzy told you that she was leaving her husband for her yoga instructor and moving to Brazil; or whatever the gossip may be.  You keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  This wasn't the case with the Evil C.  I had a lot of concerns and worry about my friends situation that I didn't think were unfounded and I was stupid enough to allow the Evil C to be my confident.  Big Mistake.  And that was the beginning of the end.  Evil C told my friend, my friend told her husband, I became the bad guy and chaos ensued.  I must also add that in many instances, I exaggerated or "lied" about the severity of the situation for which I am ashamed and very sorry.  I have a tendency to do so when I an stressed or under duress.  Both of which I was during this time due to other happenings in my life.  

I have written and deleted this entry about seven times over the past few days.  I just can't bring myself to tell the intimate details and particulars of the end of our friendship without betraying what I feel is a trust that I still hold onto.  I love her and always will.  Regardless of whether or not we ever speak again, I will always consider her my best friend.  I hope she is happy.  I miss her and the friendship that we had however, I'm not confident that what was broken can be mended.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive and forget and she probably ins't either.  Until then, I will always laugh when I see someone walking down the street eating a banana or when I have to "check the neck" just to be sure.  Only she would know what I was talking about :)