It's been a Long December

"and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last."  Counting Crows, Long December

The Eve of a new year is upon us and I'm feeling pretty good about 2012.  You know, 2011 was supposed to be my year!  I was turning 30, moving up in my career, I had all these grand plans.  However, like most good intentions, they kinda petered out by late February.  2011 brought a lot of changes to my life; both good and not-so-good but all enlightening.

I have been reading The Happiness Project and follow Gretchen Rubin's Blog: http://www.happiness-project.com  She has a great post about creating effective resolutions and keeping them.  Check out the tips below:


1. Ask: “What would make me happier?” It might having more of something good – more fun with friends, more time for a hobby. It might be less of something bad – less yelling at your kids, less nagging of your spouse. It might be fixing something that doesn’t feel right – more time spent volunteering, more time doing something to make someone else happier.

2. Ask: “What is a concrete action that would bring about change?” One common problem is that people make abstract resolutions, which are hard to keep. “Be more optimistic,” “Find more joy in life,” “Enjoy now,” are resolutions that are hard to measure and therefore difficult to keep. Instead, look for a specific, measurable action. “Distract myself with fun music when I’m feeling gloomy,” “Watch at least one movie each week,” “Buy a lovely plant for my desk” are resolutions that will carry you toward those abstract goals.

3. Ask: “Am I a ‘yes’ resolver or a ‘no’ resolver?” Some people resent negative resolutions. They dislike hearing “don’t” or “stop” or adding to their list of chores. If this describes you, try to find positive resolutions: “Take that dance class,” “Have lunch with a friend once a week.” Or maybe you respond well to “no.” 

4. Ask: “Am I starting small enough?” Many people make super-ambitious resolutions and then drop them, feeling defeated, before January is over. Start small! We tend to over-estimate what we can do over a short time and under-estimate what we can do over a long time, if we make consistent, small steps. If you’re going to resolve to start exercising (one of the most popular resolutions), don’t resolve to go to the gym for an hour every day before work. Start by going for a ten-minute walk at lunch or marching in place once a day during the commercial breaks in your favorite TV show. Little accomplishments provide energy for bigger challenges. Push yourself too hard and you may screech to a halt.

5. Ask: “How am I going to hold myself accountable?” Accountability is the secret to sticking to resolutions. That’s why groups like AA and Weight Watchers are effective, and there are many ways to hold yourself accountable. Accountability is why #2 is so important. If your resolution is too vague, it’s hard to measure whether you’ve been keeping it. A resolution to “Eat healthier” is harder to track than “Eat salad for lunch three times a week.”  Track your accountability on a chart or ask a close friend or relative to be your Accountability Partner. 

I tried to employ these tips while creating my resolutions which I outlined in a recent POST .  I was also presented with an interesting challenge last night.  My best friend, Aaemie said that she would like me to create a resolution for her.  This would help her to be more accountable to the resolution as she wouldn't just be letting herself down (which is sometimes not that hard to do) but also myself, if she didn't keep her resolution.  I think that's a great idea and had discussed that very thing earlier with Terry.  I asked her to create one for me too.

In order to try and keep myself accountable, I will be tracking my resolution progress on the blog.  I haven't yet figured out exactly how I'm going to do this but will keep you posted.

On that note, back to work I go.  I wish everyone a Happy New Year!  Be smart, stay safe and for the love of God (or whomever you bow your head to) DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!

xo M

The Magic of Christmas

In the spirit of one of my all-time favourite Christmas movies, The Nightmare Before Christmas, I created this Christmas card with one of the November Kraftin' Kimmie stamps: Voodoo Lady.

I have to say, I think it turned out wonderful and is probably my favourite card I've done this season.  It will go to my best friend and fellow stamper: Aaemie Ali.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

According to Wikipedia "A New Year resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to one or more lasting personal goals, projects, or the reforming of a habit".  The dawn of a new year is an opportunity for self-reflection and I love it!  There have been a few big New Year's Resolutions that I have been able to keep in the past such as quitting smoking however, I don't think I have ever had such an adult list of truly doable resolutions as I do this year.  Without further ado...

1.)  Commit to a Healthy Lifestyle

      This includes continuing my 4-6 day a week workouts at The Motion Room, not eat out as much and drink WAY more water then I do now.  I have been pretty good for the last two months regarding the gym stuff but the drinking more water and adhering to a healthy diet will be the challenges.

2.)  Quit Drinking

      Booze and I have had a tumultuous 15 year relationship and it's time to let go.  Although we have had some great times together, trust me when I say that as of late, nothing good comes out of it.  I am a binge drinker and I can drink A LOT.  There are times when I can have a couple glasses of wine and relax but most of the time, once it hits the lips...well, you know how the story goes. 

3.)  Call My Gram Once a Week and See Her Twice a Month

      I used to live with my Gram and saw her every day.  Now, I have to admit that our time together is sparse.  This must change.  She is 91 and although she's a tough old bird, I need to face the fact that she may not be around for very much longer.  I love her and she is one of the most important women in my life.  I have to commit to spend more time with her. 

4.)  Walk the Dogs For 1 hr Every Day

       Yeah, I bet you thought I was some super dog owner and walked my dogs like a boss.  I don't.  They are taken for 3 short walks a day as of late, I can see the results.  They are not happy and neither would I be if I were a dog.  It is good for them and good for me. 

5.)  Smile More

      I don't smile nearly enough and am told so all the time.  For years I fought against the cheery masses, claiming that I just didn't have a smiley face.  My resting face looks like a frown bc my mouth naturally turns down.  Who the hell goes around smiling all the time, like some clown?  Well, I do as of January 1st :)  And you better smile back.

6.)  Save More Money and Follow A Budget

      I am the WORST at saving money.  Oh sure I have an RRSP and some other crap like that but as for a savings account?  Forget it.  I can save a few hundred bucks for something specific but to be honest, even with a six- figure household income, there's not much left in the account at the end of the month.  I am a shopper.  I LOVE to shop; and not just for myself.  I love buying things for people.  I would like to replace these material things with time.  This is going to be a tough one for me as I will also be trying to reform Terry...

7.)  Get Back In Touch With Old Friends

      The recent death of a close high school friend really affected me.  There was a celebration of his life that I didn't attend because I thought that no one wanted to see me or that it would be weird and awkward bc I hadn't seen any of my old friends in so long, etc.  I have had the pleasure of being friends with some amazing people in my 30 years (and some not so great ones too) and I wish I had of put more effort into maintaining those friendships.  I believe that it's never too late to reignite the spark.  Keep an eye on your inbox old pals :)

8.)  Clean One Area of the House a Day

      Yeah right.  But I am really going to try.  Between working full-time, running a business, two dogs, a cat and a man my house can be a fucking disaster and sometimes the mess is so overwhelming that I would rather crawl into bed and ignore it than clean it up.  My mom's house always looks great so I asked her for some advice.  She came up with resolution number 8 and again, I will also be reforming Terry.

9.)  Appreciate the GOOD things and don't focus on the BAD

      This is a big one for me.  I tend to be an extremely cynical and negative person.  Everyone around me is an idiot, no one can do anything right, someone is always trying to fuck with me, I'm too fat, too ugly, blah, blah, blah.  Who the fuck wants to be around a person like that?!  Not me.  I have a great life, a great partner, a great family and I'm working on the great friends part.  i have a lot to be happy about and thankful for.  It's time I start acting that way.  Do worry, Imma still tell it like it is ;)

10.)  Make Time For Me

        So much of my life is spent doing things for other people: colleagues, friends, family, strangers and I often become very resentful.  I am going to learn to say NO and make sure that I am taken care of as well as the people in my life. 

I was only going to have Ten Resolutions but I think that this one is very important.  

11.)  Set Aside at least 1 Hour a Week to Volunteer. 

        Giving back to your community is so important and although I do a lot of charity work, I have let this important part of my life fall by the wayside.  There are so many opportunities to do good right in your own backyard.  Whether it be reading to Seniors in a retirement home, snuggling kitties at the animal shelter, tutoring kids at an after school program or cleaning up a park; volunteering feels so good :)

Well, there you have it.  11 Resolutions that I am going to my darndest to keep.  One of the ways that I am going to attempt to keep these resolutions is to write EVERYTHING down in my agenda.  I just need to get myself a nice new one first...

Merry Christmas Everyone!  Love You Lots!

xo M

The JOY of Christmas!

I have been a busy little card-making beaver this season.  My goal is to give everyone on my Christmas card list a handmade card and I've done pretty well! I have 7 cards left to make in 7 days.  I think I can do it!

Here is a card that I will enter into the One Crazy Stamper December Challenge

Once again, I used a Kraftin' Kimmie stamp: Virginia.  I love the new Martha Stewart snowflake punch that I got and am getting better at using my copics

Stay tuned for something a little out of the ordinary...

xo M

In The Garden, Eating Worms

Because it's clear that nobody likes me.  Or at the very least, nobody wants to really be my friend.  And I have TWO examples that prove said claim:

Oh facebook, how I loathe thee.  You're like a bad lover that I just can't shake.  You bring me so much joy and so much pain.  I know that you're no good, but I keep coming back. Case-in-point: I discover things about people that make me angry.  Even though I kinda already knew they weren't so great.  Or a sneaky, gossipy snake...  I had a very messy falling out with a friend just about a year ago. (Oh surprise! Yup, another one.) And I kindly asked all of my friends and family to remove her from facebook since she was nothing but a drama queen.  I blocked her.  So when I recently reset my facebook settings and decided not to worry about blocking the people who were blocked, I was surprised to see that a member of my family hadn't removed this person and in fact, communicates with her.  However, I'm not surprised.

Example number two:  A friend from high school passed away on Sunday morning.  I found out via face book yesterday.  Not the best way to find out but no big deal as I haven't seen or spoken to most of that crew in over 4 years.  What did and does bother me is that when scanning the recent photos that friends had posted, I came across a photo posted on a "Life Celebration of Danny Schmaltz" page.  I thought to myself, "Excellent!  I have a funny picture that I found of Danny, Brad and myself that I will post on the page."  You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that it wasn't a page but and EVENT; taking place this Saturday in honour of Danny.  The picture for the event was familiar as it is from my Super Sweet 26th Birthday album, but I was not invited to this event.  Every single other fucking person that we went to high school with was invited BUT ME.  I cannot believe it was an oversight since the picture was taken from my album.  The reason that Danny and I haven't spoken is because he was best friends with my ex and Brad and I didn't have the best break up.  I understand that no one wanted to maintain contact with me as their allegiance was to Brad.  But Danny and I were good friends for a number of years and his death affected me.  And my feelings are hurt that I wasn't included in a celebration of his life.

I don't feel like writing anymore and sometimes wonder why I even bother.

Rest In Peace Danny.  I'll miss you xoxo

The Motion Room Wants YOU!

Well ME but you get the picture.

It's been a while since I've blogged and it is not for lack of interesting things going on in my life, it is due solely to lack of time.  December is a CA-RAZY month for me being the Events Manager at one of the hottest venues in town and all.  AND running my own balloon decor company.  *phew*

I have also been training SIX days a week at The Motion Room alternating between Personal Co-Training and Re-Energizer Boot Camp.  Yeah, I'm one dedicated mofo.  I recently did my first round of Results-Success Testing and I'm not gonna lie, some tears were shed.  I am way heavier than I thought I was and my body fat percentage is 33%; which according to the computer is OBESE.  WTF?  My cardio is also waaaay weak :(

However, I am HELLA strong!  Like Superwoman strong :D  That was encouraging and the not so great stuff (weight, body fat percentage and cardio) was motivating so I'm looking forward to the next year.

That being said, I have put myself into the proverbial ring and applied to be a Motion Room Ambassador.  You can see all the deets HERE on their Facebook page.  As an ambassador, you are responsible for documenting and communicating your health and fitness journey to the masses through facebook, twitter and your personal blog (which I do anyway) and in return, should you meet the goals set out for you by TMR staff, you will receive SIX MONTHS FREE training!  I'd say that's a win-win situation for shizz.

Hopefully they choose me because I really believe in the program and am super stoked to continue my fitness journey.  If they do pick me, I'll make sure I take lots of pictures including a before - which will be crazy scary bc I ain't no model anymore - but a bit liberating I think...

Stay tuned.  I plan on sharing some good news real soon :)

xo M

Another One Bites the Dust

I am no longer facebook friends with my former best-friend (I guess I can use former now). I discovered this when I tried to tag her in a funny post that only she and I would get.

I have been rather apathetic throughout the past 8 months of not speaking and had convinced myself that I didn't care that we were no longer friends.  The sick feeling in my stomach and lump in my throat betrays my supposed indifference.

Why should something as insignificant as a facebook friendship matter so much?  Perhaps because as long as we were still facebook friends, there was still hope.  I shouldn't be upset.  I wasn't going to reach out to her.  I had done it too many times and felt that for once in our 22 year friendship, she should make the effort to maintain or reignite the friendship.  I guess I just wasn't worth it.

Suck it up sweetie

It's been an emotionally trying couple of days and I am in no mood to host people (read: friends) for Terry's birthday but I have to.  I have to suck it up and be a good wife when all I want to do is crawl into bed and hide from the world.

Le sigh

2 Weeks In and Feeling Pretty Darn Good!

Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it.  ~Plato

It has been 2 weeks since my first co-training session at The Motion Room.  Since then I have had 4 more co-training sessions (with another tonight) and have attended 4 Re-Energizer Boot Camps.

I was (or am?) an athlete so it hasn't been too difficult to get back into the groove of training.  I was surprised at how strong I still was during my first co-training session and even added weight and reps during my second session.

I am excited to continue on this path of good health but have to admit that with the upcoming holiday season, do feel a bit anxious over finding the time to train.  This past week was an example of what I have in store starting November 28.

I had three HUGE events.  I slept thru my training on Monday.  I was so exhausted from the weekend and just wanted to grab a few winks before I headed to the gym.  Next thing I knew, it was 8:30pm.  Tuesday I had to work from 10am-12am.  I attempted Wednesday morning boot camp at 6am and felt so sick and faint - I left after two rounds.  What did I learn?

A)  Do not go to the gym on only 4 hours of sleep.
B)  I am NOT a morning gym person

Yesterday I had to work from 11am-2am so the gym was out of the question so today I will have my first co-training of the week and tomorrow I will do a boot camp.  I am worried that all the time off will have stunted my progress or that I will have regressed but I am trying to stay positive :)

All-in-all, I am pretty stoked on the gym and have rediscovered my love of training!  I feel SO GOOD after a hard training session. I will keep y'all posted on my progress.

xo M

I'm Stuck On You

This was another card that I made for a challenge but missed out on it :(  Oh well.  It was also a learning card.  I have never used pins as embellishments or ripped & antiqued my edges before.

If you're into crafting and are a card-maker or want to learn how to make cards, check out my group on meetup.com.  We have a card-making night coming up on Wednesday, November 23 and everyone is welcome :)  http://www.meetup.com/Queen-West-Scrapbookers/

xo M

Merry & Bright!

Here's another card I made recently for the One Crazy Stamper blog challenge.  One day I will give you all the materials I used like a real professional card maker but for now here's the card :)

Santa Baby

Christmas is just over 6 weeks away and I have diligently been putting my list together.  Yes, I am 30 years old and still make a Christmas list.  Don't you?  I have been trying to be a good little saver and not buy everything I want as soon as I want it.  My mom also asks us for our list right about this time.  Thus far, the following items have made the cut:

1.  Canon EOS Rebel T3.  I want this baby sooo bad.  I just got a camera last Christmas but I am ready to make the leap to SLR photo imaging.  I see it as a necessary work expense :)

2.  Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer.  A MUST for any foodie worth their salt.  (see what I did there? Lol.  I crack myself up.)  I have coveted this beautiful piece of kitchen gadgetry for years and never had the space to house it nor the culinary wherewithal to use it.  Well, I do now.  Purple Please :)

3.  The next book in the Sookie Stackhouse series: Dead Reckoning.  I started reading this series about 7 years ago.  I loved it immediately.  Then my dreams came true and HBO created a series based on the books; True Blood.  Which I also love.  I usually try and hold out until the paperback is published but I don't know if I can do that this time.  

4.  Marc by Marc Jacobs Pedal to the Metal Flap Pouchette.  I know this is a last season bag but I LOVE it and I want it sooooo badly.  I have put off buying a number of other teeny bags in hopes that this one would magically show up on my doorstep.  Alas, it has yet to happen.  

5.  Ipod Classic.  I cannot for the life of me find my Nano :(  I just got it a year and a half ago but have lost it in the move.  Now that I have become a gym rat/fitness junkie, I really need it.  No fancy touch for me.  I like the classic.  I wouldn't mind the new tiny Nano either.  As long as I also got a cool wrist band to put it in :)

6.  Cricut Cuttlebug.  My creativity is stifled without a Cuttlebug.  I sometimes have to stop the tears from falling on my crafts as I think of all the great things I could be making if only I had a Cuttlebug...

And last but certainly not least:

7.  A wee babby goat or chicken or pig for a family in need.  Every year, I buy an animal for a community in need through World Vision's Gift Catalogue.  You can also purchase school supplies, medical supplies, agricultural items and more.  I have purchased gifts in other people's names and it always makes the holidays mean just a little bit more :)  Visit the World Vision Gift Catalogue Here

What's on your Christmas list this year?  

OBSESSED

I have been playing this song over and over and over for about a month now.  I would say I am obsessed.  You will be too.

You're welcome :) xo M

Sundays in The Kitchen: Classic Split Pea & Ham Soup

I LOVE soup.  It is probably one of my favourite things to eat and to cook.  There is nothing better than a bowl of homemade soup on a chilly evening, when you're not feeling well or just because :)  One of my faves is Split Pea with Ham.  I have been making it for a few years and have finally perfected my recipe.  It is simple and delicious :)

Ingredients: 

1 bone from cooked ham - I always use the bone from my mother-in-law's holiday hams :)

1 tbsp EVOO (extra-virgin olive oil)

1 large onion, finely chopped * 

2 each of carrots & celery stalks, finely chopped *

2 clove garlic, minced

2 bay leaves

4 cups sodium-reduced chicken stock

2 cups dry green or yellow split peas

salt & pepper to taste

*I like to use a mini food processor

Preparation:

Using a paring knife, peel off and discard skin and fat from ham bone.  Set aside. 

In a large stock pot, heat oil over medium heat.  Cook onion, carrot, celery, garlic, bay leaves and ham bone; stirring occasionally until vegetables are softened.  About 5 minutes.  

Add stock, peas and 2 cups of water.  Bring to boil over med-high heat, skimming off any foam from the top. Cover and simmer over med-low heat until peas break down and meat is tender enough to fall off of the bone; about 2 hours.

Remove ham bone.  Pull off and shred meat.  Set meat aside.  Discard ham bone and bay leaves.  In a blender, puree half of the soup; return to the pot along with meat.  Stir and serve! Makes 8 servings.

Some tips:  If you are going to put this soup in the freezer or even the fridge, reconstitute it with a wee bit of water or even chicken stock as it really thickens up.  I also don't add any salt as the ham tends to be salty enough.

I like to serve it with some crispy ham and a wee dollop of sour cream on top :)  ENJOY!  Let me know if you try it out and your results.

I'm so conflicted!!!

Ripley's is set to build a $130 million aquarium at the base of the CN tower which will open the Summer of 2013.  It is estimated that it will create 600 jobs and generate over $25 million in taxes for the gov't while in production and employ up to 350 people once open.  It will be the first new tourist attraction to the city since the Hockey hall of Fame 20 years ago.  

Check out the prototype.  Pretty dope but will those pools have a retractable roof?  What happens in the Winter..?

So, what do I think of this new Aquarium?  The kid in me in super stoked!  I mean I lived the first 8 years of my life in Calgary and instead of going "Up North" in the Summer, we went to Oakanagan Falls, BC which always included a trip to the Vancouver Aquarium.  I LOVED it.  There is something so serene and magical about the sea.  Standing in a dark room in front of a giant piece of glass, watching fish... You're already relaxed, I can tell.  Once I moved to Toronto, my Aquarium visits became few and far between.  And no, Marineland doesn't count.  Which brings me to the issues that I have with the aquarium...

1.)  Will they have Orca and dolphins and will they be forced to perform for guests?  I am NOT a fan of Marineland or Sea World and even take issue with some Zoos.  I don't want to spark an ethical debate because really, I just don't have it in me today but there is something that really boils my blood about a "dolphin cove" or "Arctic Cove" where people can touch and pet dolphins, beluga and orca.  I don't know how I feel in general about wild animals in captivity but that is another post in and of itself.  Let's just agree that Marineland and Sea World are not Aquariums. 

2.)  How will they procure the inhabitants of the aquarium?  I'd like to believe that other aquariums around North America will supply our aquariums with fish bred in captivity and that the Toronto aquarium will also be part of a breeding program, helping to repopulate endangered fish species.  This may actually be part of how those tanks get filled however, I am not so naive to think that it is the only way.  I can't help but think of little Nemo, being captured by a diver, taken from his dad and dropped in a tank at a dentist's office.

3.)  The city couldn't find $11 million to fund new and improved exhibits at the Toronto Zoo for animals already in captivity who need better and more spacious habitats - the Elephants pavilion for example. BUT they can fork over $26 million for the aquarium?  They also don't have the money to maintain public swimming pools or cultural events but I suppose the misdistribution  of funds isn't new. 

Anyway, I'm excited and curious nonetheless and will hopefully score an invite to the grand opening :)

Have a great weekend everyone!  M xo

Just Thought I'd Share This...

"A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform: she had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now......... even though t...hey said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. Those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child--they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home" 

Out with the Old...

And in with the new!  I spent some time jazzing up the old blog and adding some stuff to it last night.  I should have been sleeping but this was far more important :)

Hmm...what have been up to?  Working like crazy.  Making cards.  Joining a gym :)  Yup I finally got my ass in gear and have my first assessment and training session tomorrow at 5pm! I'm super excited and a little nervous bc I know I'm crazy out-of-shape.

Anywho, let me know what you think of the new blog layout.  I still need to figure out how to jazz it up a bit more and I think I may have to get it hosted.

I leave you with a picture of recent balloon decor I did  xo M

Cloud 9 Cluster in a new print: Gothic Scroll.  LOVES!

She's Crafty!

I have always been a crafter.  I come from a long line of crafters.  I have recently discovered the world of paper crafts, particularly card making & stamping.  I created these two cards to enter in a contest:

The stamp is called Magical Mathilda and I coloured her with copic markers and cut her out and then added some more stamps and paper and ribbon.  I will mail this one to my mom for Halloween since she went nuts over the one my friend Aaemie made. 

This stamp is called Moaning Moira and again, I coloured her with Copic markers and then added some more stamps and paper to the card.  

I LOVE making cards now!  I ordered 26 Copic markers, a bunch of paper, ink and some more stamps that I will be receiving on Saturday.  I can't wait!  I will begin work on my Christmas cards this weekend.  I will endeavour to send everyone one my card list a card that I have made :)

Warning: There's a whoooole lotta NEGATIVITY up in this piece >:/

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.  He said okay, you're ugly too." ~Rodney Dangerfield

I'm having one of those days.  Those UGLY days.  I feel like shit and I look like shit.  I hate my hair - it's so straight and fine and I can't do the sock bun that I have been coveting for months and finally learned how to do.  I hate my skin - I am 30 years old and I have fucking acne.  Are you kidding me?  I see a dermatologist, use all this fancy shit, ALWAYS wash my face before bed and am greeted at least twice a week by a big fat ugly zit - on my chin.  I am also fat.  Fatter than I have ever been in my life.  I had to buy a size 6 skirt.  I know, that's a normal size for most people but I am small: 5'3" and tiny bones.  My resting size is a 2.  My working out size is a 0.  And that skirt is pretty dang tight, let me tell you.  I'm also over-whelmed with work, behind on housekeeping and bill filing, and all together just BLAH.

I do believe that I am having myself a BAD DAY. And you know what?  I don't give a ding dang what anyone thinks of all my negativity. Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I just say a bad word?

I know, all you people out there who just LOVE life and are so uber-positive it makes me sick will say some crazy shit like "You are beautiful and capable. Accept who you are and that things change, blah, blah, blah".  That's bullshit.  Then there are the other folks, those devil's advocates if you will (like my mom), who will throw things out there like, "If you don't like that you're fat, do something about it.  Nothing will change if you sit there and complain" or "Well, you chose to own your own business AND work full-time. You had to know it wouldn't be easy".  Umm...DUH!  I know that.  I have the best intentions when it comes to working out and getting healthy.  Drinking more water and organizing my life. Snuggling kitties and dancing under rainbows while singing Zipadee-Doo-Dah.   Because, God forbid, there be any negativity ones head-space.

When did it become a crime to feel blue?  To voice one's opinion about something that they just don't feel so great about? To have a bad day?  Don't get me wrong, I have un-friended folks (mostly acquaintances) on facebook whose status updates are nothing but doom, gloom and drama day after day after day ad nauseum .  It gets draining even on a subconscious level.  But come on! Let me have my day to mourn my 21 year-old self!  My clear skinned, cute haired, 105lb self who's biggest problem was how I was going to study for a mid-term AND go out to pub night.  I don't feel like a bag of shit every day but I don't disallow myself the pleasure of wallowing in self-pity from time to time.

You folks with your "I Love My Life!" statuses and perma-smiles make me weary.  Who are you trying to convince that everything is so hunky-dorey every ding dang day of your life? Me? Or You..? Feeling shitty about yourself or your job or your boyfriend or whatever else it is that you care about in your life is NORMAL.  It's when you feel that way every single day that you should probably talk to someone.  A professional or otherwise.  A once-in-a-blue-moon moanfest is perfectly all right in my books.

And today is my day.  Tomorrow I will wake up early, take my pups for a long walk, eat a healthy breakfast, wear a new outfit, have a super-productive day at work and be back to feeling like my normal (although somewhat cynical and jaded) self.  And guess what?  All will still be right with the world :)

That's me on the beach in Cuba. 24 years old and not a care in the world.  That's not even a school book that I'm reading.  I think it's A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.  You can't tell but my stomach is flat and toned and there ain't a hint of cellulite on those thighs or butt.

Pay no attention to me, I'll be just fine

Gah!  What a month to choose to not drink!  This Sober October business is proving to be harder than I thought.  Which is a tad worrisome...

There are TWO awesome events happening tonight that I want to check out but I fear that my tolerance for debauchery may be dampened by my being dry and all :( However, if you're like all the other cool kids you will be here:

Peepshow & Lipstick Video Premier AND All-Girl Art Show tonight at the Baitshop 

What's better than a bunch of hot skateboarding guys?  A bunch of hot skateboarding guys and a bunch of hot snowboarding girls!  I'm thinking of popping by after a long day at my J.O.B. Check out the deets here: https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=236280476421494  followed by...

ROCKTOBERFEST @ Tattoo.  Chicks free before midnight?  I can get down with that!

What a night!  AND I don't even have to wake up early for anything tomorrow.  A perfect night wasted on a sober challenge.  *sigh*  I must learn to have fun and be a nice, social person without the aid of liquor. I suppose that not indulging will leave some hard earned pennies in my pocket for once as well :)  

Whatever your plan this evening, enjoy the b-e-a-utiful weather kiddies!  If you see me at the Baitshop or Tattoo, don't be afraid to come and say hello.  I don't bite.  Unless you ask me to :) (wakka, wakka) 

This is what I look like BTW:) 

Think Different

Steve Jobs, Founder Apple Computers

February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

The world has lost one of it's greatest human beings and a small part of the visionary in each of us has lost it's guide.  Apple had this posted on their website today: 

I am not a MAC.  I have an ipod that I use sporadically at the gym or when walking the dogs.  I have limited experience on a MAC computer or MACbook and have never owned an iphone.  However, Steve Jobs and I have something in common.  I have always been a fan of CanLit and one of my favourite authors is Jack Kerouac.  I actually went to school and was quite friendly with his grandson, Jeremy. One of my favourite Kerouac quotes was used in the Think Different Apple commercial, narrated by Steve Jobs (or Richard Dreyfuss?).  It is a part of my hotmail signature and has been as long as I have had a hotmail account.  One can't not be moved.  I can't not be inspired.  I hope that Steve's spirit lives on in all of us.  I know I will do my darnedest to keep it alive in me.

"Here's to the crazy ones.  The misfits.  The rebels.  The trouble-makers.  The round pegs in the square holes.  The ones who see things differently.  They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo.  You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.  But the only thing you can't do is ignore them.  Because they change things.  They push the human race forward.  And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.  Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."  ~Jack Kerouac

Could I sacrifice typing fast for this...

If you know me, you know I love Hello Kitty.  A lot.  I really want Hello Kitty nails but don't know how it would look on my shorties.  And I've tried the whole acrylic nail thing and it isn't for me.  I can type about 70 wpm on my blackberry.  I don't want to jeopardize that.  

Maybe I can just do it on my whole nail.  I'll keep you posted :)

And that's what's up!

I hope I'm as awesome as Betty White when I'm 90 years old.  And as awesome as my Gram.  She's coming to dinner tonight.  It will be the first time that I cook a roast and the first time that she sees our new home.  I'm excited.  I love my Gram :)

"Oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact" ~Elton John-The Bitch Is Back

Day 5 of Sober October...

I got called a bitch today.  Not in the "Oooo bitch! Those shoes are fierce!" way.  In the bad way.  It kinda hurt my feelings because I really wasn't being bitchy, which by the way goes not further than this blog.  I have a reputation to uphold.  But really, I guess I kinda do.  I guess I am a bitch.  But that's not necessarily a bad thing...

I recently came across a website called Heartless Bitches International http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ .  The site was started as a joke by software developer "Natalie P", satirizing the stereo-type that assertive, successful and strong women are "bitches".  Heartless Bitches International claims it does not celebrate being insensitive, manipulative, selfish, cruel, or man-hating; it celebrates the positive qualities in people, like assertiveness, self-reliance, and an unwillingness to be a martyr, which lead to them being stereotyped as a "heartless bitch".   

"Yes, I'm pissed off and most people irritate me. But if people weren't so ignorant, self-absorbed, and down right stupid, I wouldn't be so Bitchy all the time." 

I very rarely get called a bitch by other women.  It's mostly men and it's mostly in reaction to a situation in which I have either stood up for myself or my ideas, out-witted them in the proverbial boardroom or rebuffed their pathetic and unprovoked advances.   No sir, I am not interested in having your sleezy arm draped over me as I wait to order a drink.  Nor does the fact that you have "Grey Goose and Blow" back at your condo entice me to leave with you.  And guess what? I'm probably smarter than you too. Oh snap!  If I'm a bitch, it's because I don't need you to validate my existence and that scares the shit out of you. 

When I do get called a bitch by women it is often to due to the fact that I do not suffer fools gladly.  Like the Murray women before me and one Murray woman-in-training, we have what some would call a high dosage of sass.  I speak my mind and no one would ever accuse me of being a sycophant.  I tell it like it is.  So if you are acting like an idiot, I will tell you so.  Most women don't appreciate the truth and therefore label us candid gals, bitches.  Always behind our back tho.  Never to our faces.  

I always found this culture of "bitchiness" fascinating.  I encountered it for the first time, as many of us do in high school.  While standing with a group of girls, one particularly nasty one was commenting on how she hoped that so-and-so wasn't coming to the cottage that weekend bc she was such a slut and she didn't want her around her boyfriend blah, blah, blah.  I felt that familiar pang of anxiety when I noticed that so-and-so was walking towards the group.  Well that nasty one put the sweetest and biggest smile on her face and complimented the so-and-so's hair, telling her she hoped to see her at the cottage that weekend. WTF?  I thought she was a slut and you didn't want her there?  I was flabbergasted.  I had never operated that way.  If I didn't like someone, I didn't invite them.  I also did not show up where I wasn't wanted.  Why bother? 

And so that brings me back to the real bitch who called me a bitch this morning.  She was being mean.  I was being honest and I wasn't about to let her bully me into getting her way.  Which by the way would have put me in deep shit with my boss.  I will leave you with a quote from one of my all-time favourite bitches, Kelly Cutrone.  Fashion Publicist, Authour, Mother and Heartless Bitch extraordinaire: 

"Being a Bitch isn't about stepping on other people, or reality TV-style sabotage antics. It's about working hard for what you want and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve.  It is not about demoralizing others; it's about self-empowerment.   It's not about being arrogant; it's about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride.  It's not in asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement; but recognizing your own self-worth and value".

If you don't like me bc I'm a Bitch, I don't want to be your friend anyway.  I'm actually a very nice person.  I'm just a "Bad Mother-Fucker, who don't take no shit off of nobody" ;)

Talkin' shit ain't the same as talkin' truth. Mmm Hmm...

From the Urban Dictionary:

1.	shit talking	51 up, 6 down
	Shit talking occurs when people have too much free time (see: not having a life) and make up rumors or put down others, whether they are enemies, friends, or just random people. Those shit talking scumbags just wasted a whole five minutes of my life complaining about someone who I could really give a shit less about.

I haven't spoken to my best friend since my birthday.  That was April 7.  Almost 6 months ago.  But to be honest, our friendship has been teetering on the edge of demise for almost 4 years.  I would be remiss not to mention that the beginning of the end started with her dating her husband.  Not because he is a horrible person or that he convinced her not to like me anymore but that that is when I saw the change in her.  It is not my place to comment on their relationship and certainly would never do so in as public a forum as a blog. The end of our friendship also has a lot to do with one severely damaged and toxic individual who may be the most opportunistic, self-centered, and sociopathic people I know.  It probably hurts the most that this Evil C-word would be able to influence my friend so easily.  Of course, it does have to do with me "talking shit" about my friend to the Evil C.  I communicated concerns I had about my friend's relationship with her husband and step-child as well as with her emotional well-being that was grossly exaggerated and manipulated to suit the Evil C's master plan.  I now know that I shouldn't have shared this with anyone.  I should have kept the information that my friend shared with me private.  That was my mistake.  I just had to get it off my chest because frankly, you can't say anything to my friend about anything she does.  That's how it's always been.  She can dish it out, but can't take it.

Let's face it, as women, we gossip.  Some more than others.  And our friends do things that we don't agree with or approve of and sometimes we use other friends as sounding boards for our discontent.  It doesn't mean that we dislike each other or that we want to "spread lies" or "talk shit".  There's a certain code that women have - you keep your mouth shut about what someone told you about someone else.  When you see Sally, you don't tell her that Suzy told you that she was leaving her husband for her yoga instructor and moving to Brazil; or whatever the gossip may be.  You keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  This wasn't the case with the Evil C.  I had a lot of concerns and worry about my friends situation that I didn't think were unfounded and I was stupid enough to allow the Evil C to be my confident.  Big Mistake.  And that was the beginning of the end.  Evil C told my friend, my friend told her husband, I became the bad guy and chaos ensued.  I must also add that in many instances, I exaggerated or "lied" about the severity of the situation for which I am ashamed and very sorry.  I have a tendency to do so when I an stressed or under duress.  Both of which I was during this time due to other happenings in my life.  

I have written and deleted this entry about seven times over the past few days.  I just can't bring myself to tell the intimate details and particulars of the end of our friendship without betraying what I feel is a trust that I still hold onto.  I love her and always will.  Regardless of whether or not we ever speak again, I will always consider her my best friend.  I hope she is happy.  I miss her and the friendship that we had however, I'm not confident that what was broken can be mended.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive and forget and she probably ins't either.  Until then, I will always laugh when I see someone walking down the street eating a banana or when I have to "check the neck" just to be sure.  Only she would know what I was talking about :)

Reality Bites...But I bite harder

"You can't navigate me. I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever, and I know that scares the living shit outta you 'cause you know I'm the only real thing you got." ~Troy Dyer, Reality Bites (1994)


I'm going to start this blog post by saying that I miss my best friend.  Isn't that how it goes? First you act like you don't care, then you're angry, then reality sets in and you realize that you just plain miss that person and what ever heinous acts brought you to this point can be forgotten and you can go back to just being buddies again.  But can you?  


My (former?) best friend and I have (had?) been best friends for going on 22 years.  Of course during that time we have had our arguments; we're very different people she and I and have led very different lives.  Trying to navigate your own bullshit is difficult enough.  Trying to navigate someone else's is damn near impossible.  However, when you're that close to someone, it comes with the territory.  I am a part of her family and she mine.  I consider her parents and sisters my own and love that I can walk down the street and pop in for a chat in the kitchen or garage with either her mom or dad, respectively.  I don't know if she feels the same about my family anymore because I don't really know her anymore.  


I'm sure by her account, I have always been a shitty friend.  I was the one with the broken family, the compulsion to lie, the attraction to trouble and of course, the one who was in it for me.  Even my own mother once looked my best friend dead in the eye and said "You know, you can have breakfast without Meaghan.  You don't have to do everything that she does, when she does it".  I never really understood this and neither did my best friend.  We did things together because we wanted to.  Not because we were following each other's lead or as our mother's thought: I was leading the way on the path to nowhere.  As we got older, I really began to appreciate what a great friend she had been to me all those years when I was "lost".  When you're younger, you tend to take these things for granted or don't even consider them at all.  I don't know if it was a conscious decision or not, but I began to make sure that she knew exactly how special she was to me.  This was really put to the test when she moved out of town for work.  


To Be Continued...

My Best Friend and I, 1989